LYRICS — ARG.

“Calling to confirm an appointment for April on July 22nd at 9:00 AM, have all current prescriptions, lab results or x-rays that are pertinent to your visit”

—

Transcript from automated message

Down with the pills up with the rage
Excuse me while I disengage
I am a daughter, I am my own father
I am no longer the patron saint of freedom and believing that
“everything happens for a reason”

This is senseless, I am defenseless
When you’re the victim they call you
“relentless,” “strong,” “resillient,”
“you’re brave, You’re brilliant.”

I don’t care what you name me today
Whatever you say i’m stuck this way

I woke up alive on my deathbed
Said i should be happy about it
Now I carry on in a coffin
There’s nothing you can do to stop it

I woke up alive on my deathbed
I woke up alive on my deathbed
I woke up alive, I woke up alive
I woke up alive on my deathbed

Down and out without a doubt
But know one knows, i’m up and about
Trying to lie now, so nobody asks how I am feeling, I am reeling, with constant disappearing, moments, I am hoping, I can find some day

In with the good, out with the bad
The worst of times are the best I had
Trying to find out what to do now
With this heartache, this headache, the mistakes i have made, to give my bad karma its very first birthday

I woke up alive on my deathbed
Said i should be happy about it
Now I carry on in a coffin
There’s nothing you can do to stop it

I woke up alive on my deathbed
I woke up alive on my deathbed
I woke up alive, I woke up alive
I woke up alive on my deathbed

How will I know if I ever get well?
How will I know if I ever get well?
How will I know if I ever get well?
How will I know if I ever get well?
If I ever get well?

I
I fear
I live with fear
I live with fear

How will I know if I ever get well?
How will I know if I ever get well?
How will I know if I ever get well?
How will I know if I ever get well?
If I ever get well?

Maybe I can live with fear
Maybe I can learn to live with fear
Maybe I can learn to live without fear

How will I know if I ever get well?
How will I know if I ever get well?
How will I know if I ever get well?
How will I know if I ever get well?
If I ever get well?

Maybe I can learn to live without fear here

I woke up alive on my deathbed
Said i should be happy about it
Now I carry on in a coffin
There’s nothing you can do to stop it

I woke up alive on my deathbed
I woke up alive on my deathbed
I woke up alive, I woke up alive
I woke up alive on my deathbed

Maybe I can learn to live without fear here
Maybe I can learn to live without fear here
Maybe I can learn to live without fear here

I woke up alive on my deathbed
I woke up alive on my deathbed
I woke up alive, I woke up alive

I woke up alive on my —

—

Words, music & production by April Rose Gabrielli & Jacob Adam Kulick

You put me in a corner, I don’t even know where I stand
I saw you in the morning, didn’t even know who I am
I see forever, but you only see a one night stand again
I’d leave you flowers, after hours on the spread of your bed

I’d give you roses to show it, but it would scare you instead
You’re everything I want, but I don’t need to tell you again, again

I won’t beg for you
I won’t beg for you
I won’t beg for you
I won’t beg for you
I won’t beg for you
I won’t beg for you

I won’t beg
I won’t beg for you

I don’t know where you are, and I don’t wanna know where you’ve been
Who do you think you are pretending we could ever be friends?
I need forever, but you only need a one night stand again

I know you're in your bedroom listening to radiohead
Don’t wanna choke on the smoke of the train that already left
I’d move to south dakota just to never see you again, again

I won’t beg for you
I won’t beg for you
I won’t beg for you
I won’t beg for you
I won’t beg for you
I won’t beg for you

I won’t beg
I won’t beg for you

I won’t beg
I won’t beg for you

Hey I need ya, but I don’t wanna plead for ya
Hey I need ya, but I don’t wanna plead for ya
Hey I need ya, but I don’t wanna plead for ya
Hey I need ya, but I don’t wanna plead

I won’t beg for you
I won’t beg for you
I won’t beg for you
I won’t beg for you
I won’t beg for you
I won’t beg for you

I won’t beg
I won’t beg for you

Hey I need ya, but I don’t wanna plead for ya
Hey I need ya, but I don’t wanna plead for ya
Hey I need ya, but I don’t wanna plead for ya
Hey I need ya, but I don’t wanna plead

(Hey! I won’t, I won’t beg for you)

I won’t beg
I won’t beg for you

—

Words, music & production by April Rose Gabrielli & Jacob Adam Kulick

I am no punishment
I am a prize to be won and to be loved
Not a sentence
But a story that must be read all the way through

I'm not the devil on your shoulder
You invited me over
Closer, closer
Angels don't cross over
I'm your bad habit, but it don't make me bad

I'm your bad habit, but it don't make me bad
I'm your bad habit, but it don't make me bad
I'm your bad habit, I'm your bad habit

Do you feel high? How about mighty?
I think you're neither
All you do is shame me
But, baby, you made me
Into what you wanted
'Til I was all you needed

I'm not the devil on your shoulder
You invited me over
Closer, closer
Angels don't cross over

I'm your bad habit, but it don't make me bad

I'm your bad habit, but it don't make me bad

I'm your bad habit, I'm your bad habit

—

Words, music & production by April Rose Gabrielli, Jacob Adam Kulick & Kevin Eiserman

Hold on honey
I’m not strong or steady
I need to lay my head
I’ve been running for too long
For nothing
I think I need to rest

I think I need a break
I think I think I need to find the shade
I would take ten, take five, three, two, one
anything!

I think I need a break
I think I need to find a way
I would take a week a month or even just a day
I need a break

I think I need a
Think I, think I need a break
I think I need a
Think I, think I need a break
I think I need a
Think I, think I need a break
I think I need a break

I count time but I sure love to waste it
I forgot my only sheets at the laundromat
Seeing double I know I’m in trouble
I should be a sleep I wish I had the time for that

I think I need a break
I think I need to find the shade
I would take ten, take five, three, two, one, anything!

I think I need a break
I think I need to find a way
I would take a week a month or even just a day
I need a break

I think I need a Think I, think I need a breakI think I need a Think I, think I need a breakI think I need a Think I, think I need a breakI think I need a break

Fall down, get up pick yourself up
Fall down, get up, give yourself love
Fall down, get up pick yourself up

Hey!

When you fall down, you get get up, you pick yourself up
Ya fall down, ya get up, ya give yourself love
Fall down, get up pick yourself up

Hey!

I think I need a break
I think I think I need to find the shade
I would take ten, take five, three, two, one, anything!

I think I need a break
I think I need to find a way
I would take a week a month or even just a day
I need a break

I think I need a
Think I, think I need a break
I think I need a
Think I, think I need a break
I think I need a
Think I, think I need a break
I think I need a break

—

Words, music & production by April Rose Gabrielli & Jacob Adam Kulick

“Shared delusional disorder is a syndrome in which delusional beliefs and hallucinations are transmitted from one individual to another, Shared delusional disorder is commonly found in women with above average IQ’s, who are isolated from family and are in relationships with a dominant person who has delusions. Treatment for shared delusional disorder begins with being separated from the inducer.”

—

Words by April Rose Gabrielli & Jacob Adam Kulick, derived from various internet definitions

Mmm, mmm, mm, mm
Mmm, mmm, mm, mm

Do you wanna say my name?
Do you wanna feel my pain again?
Have you opened up the stars?
Have you wondered where you are again?

When you look up in the clouds do you ever wonder how it ends?
Do you still hope I’m there?
Do you still hope I’m there?

Does it feel better?
Does it feel better like this?
Can you happily dance with my illusion?
Happily love in shared delusion?
Does it feel better?

Is the color in your eyes is the pigment in your skin still red?
Are you drinking every day are you losing every night a friend?
When you get into your car do you ever think that’s where it ends?
I never hope it’s there
I never hope you’re there

Does it feel better?
Does it feel better like this?
Can you happily dance with my illusion?
Happily love in shared delusion?
Does it feel better?

Better?
Does it feel better like this?
Can you happily dance with my illusion?

Do you plant seeds to grow?
Do you plant seeds to let go?
Do you plant seeds to grow?
Do you plant seeds to let go?
Do you plant seeds to grow?
Do you plant seeds to let go?
Do you plant seeds to grow?
Do you plant seeds to let go?

Does it feel better?
Does it feel better like this?
Can you happily dance with my illusion?
Happily love in shared delusion?

Better?
Does it feel better like this?
Can you happily dance with my illusion?

Does it feel better? (Does it feel better?)
Does it feel better? (Does it feel better like this?)
Does it feel, Does it feel better?
Does it feel? (Can you happily dance with my illusion?)
Does it feel? (Happily love in shared delusion?)
Feel better? (Better?)
Does it feel better?

Does it feel better like this?
Can you happily dance with my illusion?

Mmm, mmm, mm, mm

—

Words, music & production by April Rose Gabrielli, Jacob Adam Kulick & Kevin Eiserman

I live where I want now where its green and happy
'Cause I was too blue out in New York City

My face gets red, at the thought of me different
I thought I'd reach the end with you, but no we didn't

You thought I did too much
And worked too hard
Couldn't carry baggage
or kiss your scars
Felt too much or never enough
Never happy with me or with yourself

I'm happy you hate my clothes and shoes
my music, my hair and my new tattoo
I'm happy to hear it, i'm happy it's true
’Cause I wasn't me when I loved you
I'm happy you hate my clothes and shoes
my music, my hair and my new tattoo

I'm happy to hear it, i'm happy it's true
’Cause I wasn't me when I loved you

Orange you glad that I got out of your way?
You're smoking again and I'm purple with rage

(ha)

I'm sorry that I never did the dishes
I thought I'd reach the end with you, but no we didn't

You thought I did too much
And worked too hard
Couldn't carry baggage
or kiss your scars
Felt too much or never enough
Never happy with me or with yourself

I'm happy you hate my clothes and shoes
my music, my hair and my new tattoo
I'm happy to hear it, i'm happy it's true
'Cause I wasn't me when I loved you
I'm happy you hate my clothes and shoes
my music, my hair and my new tattoo

I'm happy to hear it, i'm happy it's true
'Cause I wasn't me when I loved you
So happy, so happy
('Cause I wasn't me when I loved you)

So happy, so happy
('Cause I wasn't me when I loved you)

I'm happy you hate my clothes and shoes
my music, my hair and my new tattoo
I'm happy to hear it, i'm happy it's true
'Cause I wasn't me when I loved you

So happy, so happy
So happy, so happy
'Cause I wasn't me when I loved you

I'm happy you hate my clothes and shoes
my music, my hair and my new tattoo

(When I loved you)

I'm happy to hear it, i'm happy it's true
'Cause I wasn't me when I loved you

(When I loved you)

I'm happy you hate my clothes and shoes
my music, my hair and my new tattoo

(When I loved you)

I'm happy to hear it, i'm happy it's true

'Cause I wasn't me when I loved you

—

Words, music & production by April Rose Gabrielli & Jacob Adam Kulick

Do you, do you, do you know
The way I feel, I hope so
I don't expect you to
'Cause all I say is "just do you babe"

Do you, do you, do you know
That I am asking while I'm telling
I am crying when I'm yelling
And I don't know how else to ask
If you, if you, if you, if you
Will ever let yourself free
I don't believe you will
But do you think the same of me?

Oh I'm so done with
Overdramatics
Just wanna be boring
But then I won't have ya
The way that I want you all of the time
Oh baby be mine, oh baby be mine
You gotta know there's a look in your eye
Oh do you, do you see mine?

Do you know
Do you know
Do you know
(Do you?)

Do you see mine?

Do you know
Do you know
Do you know
(Do you?)

Do you see mine?

Do you, do you, do you know
The way I lovе you don't know
I don't expect you to 'cause
All I say is "just do you babе"

Do you, do you, do you know
That I am thriving when I feel you
And I am living just to love you?
And I don't know how else to ask
If you, if you, if you, if you
Will ever say you love me
I don't believe you will
At least you're living honestly

Oh I'm so done with
Fighting about it
Just wanna be simple
But then I can't have ya
The way that I want you all of the time
Oh baby be mine, oh baby be mine
You gotta know there's a look in your eye
Oh do you, do you see mine?

Do you know
Do you know
Do you know
(Do you?)

Do you see mine?

Do you know
Do you know
Do you know

(Do you?)

Do you see mine?

Do you know I'll wait up
Do you know you're worth it
Do you know I'll hold on
Do you know you're worth it
Do you know how I feel
Do you know
The way that I want you all of the time
Oh baby be mine, oh baby be mine
You gotta know there's a look in your eye
Oh do you, do you see mine
The way that I want you all of the time
Oh baby be mine, oh baby be mine
You gotta know there's a look in your eye

Oh do you, do you see mine?

—

Words, music & production by April Rose Gabrielli, Jacob Adam Kulick & Kevin Eiserman

I sit in the back
Of a pub I always pass
Happy that I can relax
’Cause no one knows where I’m at

Then I asked a guy named Greg
To fix the broken table leg
’Cause I was looking for a friend
But he just handed me the check

Then the DJ says
”How low can you go ladies?”
And I ask myself the same
”How low can you go again?”

Now I’m walking down the block
And I can talk the New York talk
’Cause I took a couple shots with a girl before I left

She said that we could be friends
But you know just how that ends
She went right into the bathroom
And never came back out again

Then the DJ says
”How low can you go ladies?”
And I ask myself the same
”How low can you go again?”

I’m just asking for a friend
”How low can you go ladies?”
And I ask myself the same”How low can you go again?”

Back to Dad’s house in a cab
He’ll be up, it’s five a.m.
He’ll say “good morning, goodnight”
And then he’ll ask if I’m all right

Took the keys on moving day
He didn’t leave me with a spare
He threw out my first piano
At least he paid for the cab fare

Then the DJ says
”How low can you go ladies?”
And I ask myself the same
”How low can you go again?

”I’m just asking for a friend”
How low can you go ladies?”
And I ask myself the same
”How low can you go again?”

—

Words, music & production by April Rose Gabrielli & Jacob Adam Kulick

“We could've said no! he shouts. We could've said no at any time. We were greedy. We did it for bad money. Money that big is always evil. Then he goes on about how he hates being poor, hates the forever of it – it’s like we were all born into these rubber bags we can’t punch our way out of. it's like we were all born into these rubber bags we can’t punch our way out of.”

—

Performed by Shawn Alfred Randall
Words by Mark Wisniewski author of Straightaway

I wanna feel love, I don’t wanna find it
I wanna show you but all I do is hide it
I wanna be touched but something always fights the skin and the hands and mouth away

I'm on the outside and I don’t wanna come in
I’ll be alone now, but my relief is a sin
You don’t get me and I don’t wanna get you

I keep going back and forth for more and more and more

I get stuck inside myself like i’m a rubber garbage bag
Try to punch my way out but I keep breaking both my hands

(Woah, woah, woah, woah)

I wanna know you but I don’t wanna lose me
I wanna be calm but I want to be free
I don’t get you and you don’t want to get me

You think i'm tough now, but all I am is a shell
If this is heaven then I don’t wanna know hell
I wanna go slow and live it up so I don’t make the same mistakes

I keep going back and forth for more and more and more

I get stuck inside myself like i’m a rubber garbage bag

Try to punch my way out but I keep breaking both my hands

(Woah, woah, woah, woah)

If never get full what’s the point of filling up?
Never gave a (gasp) never ever fully loved
I don’t think I ever wanna give it up to anyone cus I only want to want myself
I'm not cynical you’re just critical
My pain is clinical brain is riddled with going around around and around
Till I hit the ground
I keep writing myself circles and it will never sell
Why do I smoke myself into heaven to escape from hell
When hell is all I make, in my secret little space, that I can’t get out of anyway

I get stuck inside myself like i’m a rubber garbage bag
Try to punch my way out but I keep breaking both my hands

(Woah, woah, woah, woah)

(stuck inside myself like i’m a rubber garbage bag

Try to punch my way out but I keep breaking both my hands)

(Woah, woah, woah, woah)

I keep writing myself circles and it will never sell
Why do I smoke myself into heaven to escape from hell
When hell is all I make, in my secret little space, that I can’t get out of anyway

—

Words, music & production by April Rose Gabrielli & Jacob Adam Kulick

Don’t make me hate the sun again
Don’t me kiss your pain
Don’t make me love your name again
As I pretend I don’t want to

Don’t make me cry like Seattle rain
Don’t make me dance with ecstasy
Don’t make me smile with all my teeth
As I pretend I don’t like to

I laugh the hardest by myself
I breathe the deepest in my lungs
I am my favorite one to hold
I can do it on my own but

I don’t wanna be alone
(Alone)

Don’t roll me into what you smoke
Don’t pour me into drinks you toast
Don’t make me move your way again
As I pretend I don’t want to

Don’t tell me that you’re missing me
Don’t paint me in to California dreams
Don't make me love your fantasy
As I pretend I don't like to

I laugh the hardest by myself
I breathe the deepest in my lungs
I am my favorite one to hold
I can do it on my own but

I don’t wanna be alone
(Alone)

Born alone, live alone, die alone, I’m fine on my own (alone)

Born alone, live alone, die alone, I’m fine alone (alone)

(Alone)

Mama always told me i’d better on my own

I don’t wanna be alone

(Alone)

I don’t wanna be alone

(Alone)

I don’t wanna be alone

(Alone)

I don’t wanna be alone

(Alone)

Born alone, live alone, die alone, I’m fine on my own (alone)

Born alone, live alone, die alone, I’m fine alone (alone)

—

Words, music & production by April Rose Gabrielli, Jacob Adam Kulick & Kevin Eiserman

Greet the day with smiles and joys Greet the new day girls and boys
Greet the day with smiles and joys
Joys, joys, joys

Greet the day with smiles and joys
Greet the new day girls and boys Greet the day with smiles and joys
Joys, joys, joys

—

Words, music & production by April Rose Gabrielli & Jacob Adam Kulick

You handsome firestarter
You don’t know what you are
Got life like Mozart,
syncopated beating
broken heart like a bad girl in her 20s

Even though we got no money
I feel like royalty
When you drive me around in your life on wheels and I take the trash out

So it feels real
Like we’re at home
I’m all you need
And you never want to leave

If love can’t live on fire
Why are we still firestarters?
I don’t like chasing the embers
You’re afraid to surrender
You’re afraid to surrender
To the heat, heat, heat

You’re afraid to surrender
You’re afraid to surrender
To the heat, heat, heat

You act just like my father
You don’t know how you are
Got heart like Holden,
teeth capped golden
You’re too sweet for a bad girl in her twenties

Even though we got no money
I feel like royalty
When you drive me around to cheap hotels and I wake up with you

It feels so real
Like we’re at home
I’m all you want
And you’re never letting go

If love can’t live on fire
Why are we still firestarters?
I don’t like chasing the embers
You’re afraid to surrender
You’re afraid to surrender
To the heat, heat, heat

You’re afraid to surrender
You’re afraid to surrender
To the heat, heat, heat

If love can’t live on fire
Why are we still firestarters?
I don’t like chasing the embers
You’re afraid to surrender
Afraid to surrender
To the heat, heat, heat

You’re afraid to surrender
You’re afraid to surrender
To the heat, heat, heat

—

Words, music & production by April Rose Gabrielli, Jacob Adam Kulick & Kevin Eiserman

I never stick around and
I got my reasons
When you wanna know more
I’m out the door

“Goodbye”
“It’s been nice”

It’s always repetition
It’s always repetition
It’s always a revolving door
But it’s not anymore
With you babe
(It’s true babe)

It’s unconditional, unstoppable,
Impossible to really say the way I feel
and I could never leave it
Leave it

I will never leave you
No, I will never leave you
I will never
No, I will never
No, I will never leave you
I will never leave you

(cool)

I melt like an ice cube
When I am around you
Now I can’t pretend I’m too cool
For real love

Real love
(It’s real love)

I got no superstitions,
I got no inhibitions
I found what I was looking for
Couldn’t ask for more

With you babe
(It’s true babe)

It’s unconditional, unstoppable,
Impossible to really say the way I feel
and I could never leave it
Leave it

I will never leave you (I will never leave you)
No, I will never leave you (I will never leave you)
I will never
No, I will never
No, I will never leave you
I will never leave you

I remember running so fast
I couldn’t see
Salt in my eyes
It felt so good to leave
Running with you
I feel so free
We’ll never be alone
You have to know, I’ll never go

No, I will never leave you
I will never leave you
No, I will never leave you
I will never leave you
I will never no, I will never leave you
No, I will never leave you

(I will never leave)
(I will never leave)
(I will never leave)
(I will never leave)
(I will never leave)
(I will never leave)

—

Words, music & production by April Rose Gabrielli, Jacob Adam Kulick & Kevin Eiserman

I woke up
To your face
Under bright lights
After dark days

I woke up
For you babe
Unafraid

This is how it feels to be awake

—

Words, music & production by April Rose Gabrielli & Jacob Adam Kulick

“I Woke up Alive”