I haven't written in a while, due to the absolute deviation from my own mantra loudly repeated in the last blog post. I got sick because I wasn't listening to my body and its responses again. It is what it is. I am better now and finding another new approach. I am staying positive and manifesting personal and physical strength. In that pursuit, I have completed reading two books, and begun a third this month, I have received loads of musical opportunities that I am breaking my ass over and I am enjoying it all in the company of an incredible counterpart. I urge you to never stop until you are satisfied, I will join you in doing the same.
Some small things to share today:
Nosologies is a beautiful word.
Patti Smith & Robert Mapplethorpe.
Before you indulge in your own suffering, I urge you to imagine the way in which people you do not know or cannot relate to may be suffering. Support someone and learn about someone differently today than you would have otherwise.
Eat plain yogurt with fresh fruit, cinnamon and honey every morning.
Drink warm green tea with oat milk and honey.
Stay hydrated, 64 oz a day generally, but I also heard a tale of half your body weight in ounces.
My happiness is doing well untouched by its long time rival, cynicism and self-destruction.
Be well and take care of each other.
So, I was having symptoms associated with my gluten allergies as early as fifteen years old.. however I just thought everyone felt sort of tired and shitty after they ate big meals, randomly sore, fatigued randomly throughout the day and so forth... When I was in my early twenties I noticed things getting really nasty with my physical health, but because not eating gluten was a fad and I am the anti-christ of all fads and trends (especially as a know-it-all 20 year old in college) I denied that it could be my reality and ate all the bread I could get my hands on as a big F you to everyone who asked for or advocated "gluten free" anything. Surprise, surprise, April was only screwing herself by acting this way (that's generally how it always ends) Anyway, I am really glad I am not so delusional and insensitive anymore.
Fast forward five or so years, I am getting more sick, more tired, more eczema outbreaks, more allergic reactions, more muscle fatigue, poor sleeping habits, worse eating habits and I haven't changed a thing... maybe I should.. seems like my life depends on it at this point.
Initially I had some friends turn me onto the Paleo diet, which boasts NO GLUTEN + NO PRESERVATIVES (among other things) I have never been one for diets, because I just like to eat a lot and often and was never told there was anything wrong with the way I eat or my nutrition. However, I was intrigued because of the promise of more energy and less fatigue when the diet was adopted properly. I wanted way more energy, better moods and less physical pain. Note: I also did not take part in any physical activity during this time other than bar hopping, flirting and cramming for accounting exams.
I tried the Paleo for a few months and it really worked for me. It became a bit unsustainable because (I decided) my financial and career situation didn't really allow any space for anything out of the ordinary in any realm of life... however when I reintroduced some of the non-paleo items back into my diet, I was able to better see how they affected me.
After not having a slice of pizza for about three months, I was so anxious and excited to get my face all up in a dollar slice from a two bros. in NYC, I got three slices (they're only a dollar a slice and three is still a minimal amount of pizza for me to ingest in one sitting) and I ate all of them pretty quickly, but shortly after I could not believe what I felt...
My body was all tingly, my head rushed with sensations I've never felt before, I almost felt high, or like I was at the dentist about to be knocked out, I felt my eyes go to half-mast and I felt like I was floating for the better part of the day after that. I couldn't believe it, I was almost entirely not functioning and seeing double because I ate... pizza. This SUCKS.
Anyway, my stubborn ass still took months to reckon with the fact that my allergy to this trendy thing was only getting worse, but (again I decided) my financial situation didn't allow me to have many gluten free options so I just skipped on the very obvious ones, the sides of bread, pasta and pizza... sometimes when I could take it, but it still wasn't enough, the difference was pretty stark the more I decided to be a bit more conscious and a bit less stubborn about how I was fueling my body.
From there I was able to gauge my body also does not do well with sugar, alcohol or grease of any kind and that I need to stick with a pretty strict diet and lots of exercise in order to feel "normal." For someone who has been in love with food and overall physical laziness since I left the womb, these have been difficult adjustments... but long overdue and absolutely worth every moment of anguish I've endured to finally feel better.
I always used to think, "I am lucky that I am the way I am, I don't need to change much, a little slip up here and there isn't so bad...I don't need to exercise, doctor says I don't need to..." and so on, however improvements to lead a better, healthier and more mindful life are available to all of us and when I do a little better by me, I am able to do a little better by you, too.
Just because you can manage doesn't mean you can't learn to manage a little bit better.
It's worth it.
MY FAV GLUTEN FREE PRODUCTS/SITES
* TO NOT GIVING A SHIT ABOUT IT AT ALL
I spent hours designing my Myspace when I was twelve years old and while it gave me the technological training fit for a member of Steve Jobs' special ops. unit, Myspace eventually imploded into a meaningless, semi-comical, nostalgic experience of teenage mistakes and dust.
So why at the age of twenty-seven as a professional artist do I still feel the need to carefully curate and spend hours on the way I look on Instagram? Occasionally I will saunter across someones immaculately artistic and color-coded page and wonder why they look so fabulous and I look uncomfortably real. It will usually turn into a long OCD fueled rage-archive of my entire page so it all matches and I look like a color-coded robot.
Then when it's completed I feel like an empty loser... where are all of my music posts? Who am I really without my clutter and business? And plus, who am I trying to impress anyway? No one on my team, bandmates, friends, partners alike have ever made a negative comment about my social media posts, if anything I've been given really kind praise.
It's important to just be real, not just on Instagram but in all that is done. Usually these kinds of things don't get to me, I will be the first to condemn social media and how stupid it is. However, I definitely fall victim to it, especially in my weaker moments. My intense OCD generally makes me question my identity heavily and often, but who doesn't?
Either way, social media now is just another fad that the human condition has latched onto and I don't blame myself for being drawn to it, but I have been a bit more mindful in spending my time more wisely, by reading more, writing my lyrics down on paper, having more tangible items in my life (like plants and cacti), putting limits on my phone (and attempting to obey them as best as I can) because I don't want to contribute to the dark period that social media and media fads will eventually (and have already) caused.
I try to remind myself that I'm only here for a short time, so I am pushing myself to use my time much more wisely.
Two books I've read/begun to read in the last week:
Be Fierce, Gretchen Carlson:
Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert:
I ended my Monday trying to figure out what to write again, but kept getting caught on the reality of how long ago last Monday feels from this very moment. I said I would write earlier. Here are some bullet points of mostly random and unrelated thoughts. I wanted to keep my promise. I have newly self-enrolled as a student in the school of accountability and responsibility at the tender age of 27.
Once upon a manic episode I had this bright idea to create a journal section of my website in lieu of launching an entirely new solo music endeavor (because honestly I need more to do in regards to that..no I don’t) and here I am trying to figure out the first words of it. I figured starting a blog outside of instagram and all of the other toxic social media platforms I’ve grown pretty nauseous from would be a nice break for me and maybe for you too.
It (the idea and my manic episode) all started when people over the age of twelve started ‘TikToking’ I was encouraged to make one (it's fine.. just not my style). I reluctantly made a page but kept it so blank out of hesitation to throw myself into another virtual reality. It’s all the rage for musicians to get discovered, so why would I not make one? Because I feel old and burnt out by social media and I really would be happy moving to the middle of the woods to write and be very antisocial and be very anti-media… some of which i’ve already done. Anyway, I found myself wanting to share resources that are important to me in a different kind of way. Not through TikTok dances or over-shared-sometimes-misinformed instagram or facebook posts.
Two years ago I attempted to run a music blog after someone convinced me they make a ton of money and are easy to manage and as you guessed.. It was very difficult to manage and I did not make any money. But I did love the writing part of it, so i figured I could share that on here with a little less pressure. I may even reawaken some ideas I had in the past from that blog on here. But as a source of income, that is a passion in and of itself and you should check out folks who actually should be doing that… (such as the lovely Sara from South of Wales who runs Sounds of Sara. That’s a real music blog run by a real good person) I hope to be sharing and elevating a lot of cool people over the coming weeks like Sara. Check the bottom of the article for my top 6 for this week.
With all of this poorly said (and hearing everyone in my life yelling 'LAND THE PLANE' in unison..) I have recently become obsessed with sharing my resources on women’s health and fitness, mental health, intersectionality and inclusion across it all and I want to talk about it. I also love to cook, I am an avid runner and I am also a music teacher. None of which I really get to talk about as an artist or ever even decided to share with people because of how consumed I’ve been with just being seen as an artist and an artist only. But for me it’s become increasingly important to just be a functioning person, because my obsession with success and hitting the pavement hard took a huge toll on me with little to no pay-off, burnt bridges and dare I say a lot more drug use than I would have ever anticipated.
I figured I sort of owe it to fill in the listeners of my music and consumers of my art, who have helped me eat and filled the rooms I was playing pre-COVID… and still care what about I am doing even though the music is mostly played through iPhone speakers on livestreams these days... I suppose now as things are settling into this new quarantined normal, I have had a moment to reflect on it all.
So every Monday from here on out, you’ll be hearing from me on here. I am excited. Any suggestions feel free to contact me using the form below.
All of my love.
This weeks resources, mentions & more:
SUSTAIN Products (not an ad)
They give 10% of profits to women's healthcare organizations &
have all natural feminine care products
Musician & Music Therapist
THIS FRIDAY: Will be teaching this CMTE through Enlighten-CE
Sounds of Sara
Female Owned & Operated Music Blog
Amplifying LGBTQ+ & POC voices through photography & lots more.
New Custom Art Available Newly Listed Here & on Instagram
Manifestation Coaching with To Be Magnetic